The $12.7 Billion Leadership Lesson: Why Your Stress Is Contagious
Ford was losing $12.7 billion a year, over $35 million every single day.
Alan Mulally, just weeks into his new role as CEO, sat at the head of the table. Around him, Ford's top executives presented their dashboards, all of which were green. Everything is "on track." Everything is "fine."
Mulally looked around. "We're losing billions. Is there really nothing that's not going well?"
Silence.
The next week, Mark Fields took a risk. He toggled his dashboard to red. "We're holding the Edge launch. Technical issues. My dashboard's red."
The room froze. Everyone waited for the hammer to fall.
Instead, Mulally smiled and began to clap. "Mark, thank you. That's exactly what we need—real visibility. Who can help Mark?"
Within weeks, red and yellow indicators appeared everywhere. For the first time, the truth was on the table—and Ford could finally get to work.
Mulally's calm, supportive response wasn't just good management. It was emotional regulation in action. He modeled composure under pressure, creating the psychological safety that saved Ford.
That moment didn't just change a meeting. It changed a company.
Leadership Is a Nervous System Sport
Here's what most people miss about that Ford story: it wasn't Mulally's words that changed the culture. It was his nervous system.
People don't just hear you—they feel you.
I experienced this firsthand during a private Zoom call with Alan Mulally at a Red Team Thinking Conference. The first thing that struck me when Alan came on was his genuine presence. Everyone was nervous and excited to hear from the Alan Mulally (thank you, Bryce Hoffman!) But the moment he leaned in and smiled, shoulders dropped. Pretense disappeared. Just people connecting.
Both in that Ford boardroom and on our Zoom call, people were doing something we all do unconsciously—scanning for safety. Before Mulally even opened his mouth, their brains were asking: Is this person a threat? Can I trust them with the truth? What happens if I show weakness?
This is emotional regulation at work—not the white-knuckle, "don't lose your cool" kind, but the deep, nervous system-level capacity to stay genuinely present and connected when stakes are high.
And it's the difference between teams that hide problems until they explode, and teams that solve them before they do.
Before you even speak, your team is scanning: Are you safe? Are you here? Can I trust you with my mistakes?
Beyond Control: The Real Power of Regulation
We spend energy trying to control our emotions. And yes, control matters—especially when we’re learning to stay composed under pressure.
But there’s a deeper level that changes everything: regulation.
Control says: Don’t yell. Don’t interrupt. Don’t send that email. (It works—for a while. But it burns energy. And your stress still leaks out.)
Regulation says: I’m grounded. I can stay present, even when I’m charged. That’s not suppression. That’s transformation.
In coaching, we often start with control. But the goal? To work with your nervous system, not against it.
Because research shows:
- Suppression increases burnout and weakens performance.
- Regulation—through practices like cognitive reappraisal—reduces stress and strengthens leadership.
Controlled leader: “Everything’s fine.” (While broadcasting tension and burning out fast.)
Regulated leader: “I’m feeling charged. Let’s pause so we can think clearly together.”
The first creates fake calm, and everyone feels it. The second creates genuine safety, and everyone works more effectively.
That’s the difference between managing your emotions and transforming your leadership.
Emotions Are Contagious. Especially Yours.
Wharton's Sigal Barsade proved it: emotional contagion is real. Your regulation spreads fast. If you're tense, your team tightens. If you're genuinely steady, they recalibrate.
The 2024 Work in America Survey found that workers reporting higher psychological safety were 91% more likely to rate their performance as "very good" or "outstanding."
Your regulation isn't just about you. It's about whether your team can access their creativity, surface problems early, and take smart risks.
Google's Project Aristotle found that psychological safety was the single most critical factor in team success. Not talent. Not strategy. Safety.
And psychological safety starts with a leader whose nervous system signals: You can bring me the truth. Even when it's hard.
Why This Matters More Than Ever
DDI's 2025 Global Leadership Forecast: 71% of leaders report significantly higher stress since stepping into their current roles. Nearly one in six is facing active burnout.
Burned-out leaders are 34% less likely to rate their effectiveness highly and 3.5 times more likely to leave their position.
This isn't a time management problem. It's not a mindset problem or a productivity problem. It's a nervous system problem.
When you're running on override—pushing through stress, suppressing emotions, white-knuckling through pressure—you destroy the psychological safety your team needs to perform.
Tools for Real-World Regulation
Three regulation practices that work under actual pressure:
1. Feel First
When I work with people, we start here. Notice your internal signals. Jaw clenched? Shoulders up? Brain buzzing? That's data, not weakness.
For example, if you're stressed, how do you know you're stressed? What does that feel like in your body? Most of us aren't used to tuning in—so we start with something familiar: hunger.
Like stress, hunger lives in the body. It shows up in signals—tightness, emptiness, distraction, urgency. But we often override or misread those signals, just like we do with emotional states.
So next time you say, “I’m hungry,” pause and check in: What does it actually feel like? Is it sharp or dull? Does it come and go? Is it something you can sit with—or something that feels unbearable?
When you learn to read the subtle signs of hunger, you're also learning to feel stress more clearly—before it takes over.
That’s the foundation of regulation: listening to your body before it has to shout.
2. Name It to Tame It
Stop saying you're "stressed." What are you really? Angry? Upset? Annoyed? Deflated? This requires introspection and creates a little space between you and your emotions, allowing you to regulate them better.
"I'm feeling amped about this decision. Let's slow down." Simply naming your emotional state can reduce its intensity and promote transparency.
3. Signal Safety Intentionally
Often when we're feeling unsafe, we fight, flee, freeze, or fawn. When you intentionally act in a way that makes you feel safe, your body responds.
Eye contact. Warm tone. Grounded posture. Even something as simple as smiling activates your parasympathetic nervous system and releases feel-good chemicals that help you regulate.
You're constantly communicating something through your nervous system. Choose what you're broadcasting.
The Mulally Standard: What They Really Need From You
Here’s what matters: you don’t have to be perfect. You have to be present.
Mulally wasn’t emotionless. He wasn’t detached. He was just regulated enough to receive bad news as good visibility. To clap when others would criticize. To say “Who can help?” instead of “Who’s to blame?”
That’s the leadership flex.
Your team doesn’t need you to never feel stress. They need you to be the kind of leader they can bring their red indicators to—and know they’ll be met with curiosity, not fury.
Because when pressure hits, people don’t follow your words. They follow your nervous system.
Regulated leadership creates clarity under chaos. Safety under stress. Trust when the stakes are high.
And the research is clear: teams with emotionally regulated leaders outperform on every metric that matters—productivity, innovation, retention, and resilience.
So the next time tension rises?
Feel it. Stay with it. Choose your response.
That’s regulation. That’s real safety. That’s what great leadership is made of.
Traci Fisher helps leaders master the nervous system skills that create high-performance teams. As the creator of the Healthy Leader® Operating System, she works with executives who want to lead from presence, not pressure. Because the best leaders aren't the ones who never feel stress—they're the ones who can stay connected and clear when everyone else is losing it.
Ready to build regulation skills that actually work under pressure?
